Not this particular uncle anyways.

He is one of my father’s brothers. He is the closest to my Lola and maybe the most spoiled! He lives with lola and is still unmarried. When I see him, I wonder what will happen if my lola passes away.

Death is an inevitable circumstance in life. And although I know by faith any sickness or disease can be healed…I also know that by faith I must hold on to the promise that once this life passes, greater things are prepared for us in the other life… How can we get there if we refuse to let go of what we have here?

This morning, while on my way to work, I passed by my lola’s compound where my “bachelor-forever uncle lives”, He offered to give me a ride to The Fort so i can get a cab there going to work. After that, one topic of discussion led to another…never saw him this serious before.

“I cannot live without her… I don’t think I’m ready…I don’t think I can…(reffering to my lola)

(he pauses)

Ayeen, (Uncle looks at me)… after 39 long years of calling someone Mother, how can I ever be used to the reality that I can never call someone that word again?” My uncle said, his voice dripping with sadness that left me numb and dumbfounded…

I could not answer him. I just looked at him and then looked straight ahead…

” I envy those who still have their mom and dads…I am jealous of your tito martel, he still has your lolo and lola” He said driving a bit faster. He was not looking at me anymore…(Tito martel is his first cousin.

I told him life and death was a reality… He said he wished that nobody dies… I tried to joke about it saying that if that is the case then maybe the world will pile up with people living on ultra high condos and stuff… but he found my joke to be out of place, and so maybe that was why he kept silent… I think I was out of line too, but I did not know what to say..I should have just prayed silently before I opened my mouth.

“Trust the LORD with all your heart, and do not rely on your own understanding.” Proverbs 3:5

Now, I think I’ll just sit back and just pray… let God take care of the rest…my uncle, my emotions, my grandmother… This I pray.

Oo, tama iniisip mo. Gabi nanaman po ako umuwi…

Well no one can really blame me for enjoying the company of my dear colleagues, right?
Lalo na most of them have more valid excuse to call it a night– i can just get up and leave the office with the rest of ‘em planning a night of music and food…

Unwinding the knots made by the day… I think now that blogging at 1:01am is silly when I know I have to get up at 7 the following morning…hey wait… 7am is later na pala noh?

Mark my words, there would come a time when I would kick myself so hard that I would decide to stop being the “excuse” queen.

Remember my baby steps— passed the 1st step in landing that essay.ph job— although i come to realize that writing essays could be time consuming… well let’s see what we can see… maybe I’d get my “training wheels” earlier than expected…

Work… I can’t believe I’m getting along superbly with my colleagues! There’s a guy in the office that I super could not take before (whoa?! super?! am i back in high school???)… anyways, he was such a …er….. not so nice person before… but i guess things like these happen naturally noh? life can be such a pain when we refuse to give people a chance to warm up to us… i mean why should I assume that people will naturally get along fine with me when the truth is we clash in so many ways- philosophy, appearance, ideology and more (whoa…overanalyzing alert!)

Summer… Nickname of a person I know- she’s going through a lot now. With the development in her health making a turn for the not so good… ( i refuse to declare her condition is hopeless nor making its turn for the worse…) her mood bounces a lot but we pray she can still fight and hold on.

So why am i blogging bout her during these hours?

Cause this is what I should do when I have a chance to be alone with God… right? be up, blog and talk to God… appreciate and reflect on my life and see How God moves?…

Well it is almost 01:15… have to sleep.

Wonder what i will dream about?

God bless u all…

-01:16- nyt

It’s like riding a bike, just type away… go on…

Low Buzz from the Airconditioner wants to lull me to sleep. Disregard it cher, continue typing.

Fine. Here I go…

It is 11:49pm and….(waits on it) now it’s 11:50pm… what just happened?
Another minute passed by… I’m still here. Still sitting in front of my laptop… still drumming away and wondering if I just wasted another day.

Woke up at 11:47am. At Brunch… then went straight to my dvds… After that checked mysoju.com, vidics.com and still later on moved to reading bleack in onemanga.com…

Stinking and Sticky.

Thought what the heck, I have all the time today- nowhere to go and nothing to do…

I moved on to NEW MOON by Stephanie Meyer… Finished it in one sitting. Although I must admit my eyes sting heavily. Splotches of yellow appear when I shift my gaze to a white spot, away from the computer…

Buzz.

An old friend saying hi in YM.

Ping.

Sound I hear when another friend messaged me… it was a link to his blog.

Nothing else to do…my videos are still “buffering”… figured I’d visit his site.
I always like reading his blogs. He was the 1st blogger I read…and I do mean read
and digest the meat of his every writing… why?

Coz when i blog, i do it for several reasons:
a. to rant of a day gone bad and make fun of it after that
b. to revel in the beauty of a blosoming relationship
c. to cry my guts out, do a review on the latest book i read or simply blog for the lack of doing something else…

Epiphany.

I am wasting precious time.

Another Ephiphany.

I need actvity in my life. Videos steal precious moments… I need to join more contests, write more stories, eat more atis and less chicharon… (i love chicharon)…

Chicharon hmmm… I used to wonder if I have a genetic or hormonal sickness that cause my “chubbiness” I never realized that love of chicharon and other similar deadly stuff may be the cause…

How many resolutions have I made? How many diets have I started? And how many times have I looked at MBA programs and TRIED applying for a part-time job to finance my future studies?

One too many I guess.

Instantaneuos Combustion. Now…
- Applied at essay.ph
- listed down all the interesting contests i want to join: top 3 choices are artinsite mag cover, hongkong bag design and inkling short story writing contest.
- ym-ed peeps who i think will be interested too!

baby steps.

tommorow i think i’ll start with the cerelac and training wheels..

Good night

At take note–it’s not just me but I was with my lovely stalker-buddy EMMA hahaha!

hahah our first taste in stalking a foreign artist— an artist period

i was never a “fan” fan– not even when bsb were here, lee dong wok was here or even when hillsong was here!

i was not a “FAN”-fan… but this time i had to make an exception coz this guy (wu chun) inspired me soo much! he’s brillant, good looking and kind– and then just lately– i learned taht calvin already has a masters degree AND is still studying AGAIN something in regards to finance management even if they are only around 26 to 28 years old!!! that is crazy!!!

so therefore i started thinking that i can eventually forgive myself and allow myself to get up at 6, commute through killer rain, and finally arrive at the hotel—hang out at around 9am waiting on AGENDA coffee shop… hoping to get a glimpse of the two before they leave… saw them, fell in love… then got a reality check and went back to work…

a brush with temporary insanity— its nice. try it

its 4:39 am 2nd day of July and Im on my bed, laptop in hand, and drumming away on the keyboards…

funny thing happened today- a game was played and the objective was simple…

give cher a good time while making her turn all the possible shades of red under the pier one lights…

as far as propriety was concerned, it was momentarily held at bay (hahaha soldier gurl ba kuki?)

and as a result, sleep refuses to meet my consciousness and the land of nod seem so far from my reach.

One word Yosuke.

Its a childish- highschool-ish crush I suppose, but nonetheless equally as heart racing as it was 8 years ago…

so now, i just sit tight, opened my yahoo messenger and pray that someone, somewhere— a friend of mine will choose to wake up and chat with me— that is before I start raving about a situation so small and easily forgotten by the other party on this blog and continue to embarass myself!

hehehe

chalka oppa

its 4:39 am 2nd day of July and Im on my bed, laptop in hand, and drumming away on the keyboards…

funny thing happened today- a game was played and the objective was simple…

give cher a good time while making her turn all the possible shades of red under the pier one lights…

as far as propriety was concerned, it was momentarily held at bay (hahaha soldier gurl ba kuki?)

and as a result, sleep refuses to meet my consciousness and the land of nod seem so far from my reach.

One word Yosuke.

Its a childish- highschool-ish crush I suppose, but nonetheless equally as heart racing as it was 8 years ago…

so now, i just sit tight, opened my yahoo messenger and pray that someone, somewhere— a friend of mine will choose to wake up and chat with me— that is before I start raving about a situation so small and easily forgotten by the other party on this blog and continue to embarass myself!

hehehe

chalka oppa

i got to the point i was literally shaking from what i was feeling.

then suddenly i realized this has got to stop– i mean am i to let emotions rule me? control me? or the other way around— i knew that i had to stop and not think of this person who i feel have wronged me…

despite what she did, i have to say there is no ruling out that she is still a friend.
Now i know the meaning of "giving till it hurts"… but sometimes as much as you want to help… di maiiwasan na sasagi sa utak mo na baka naabuso ka na.

ang sama ko noh? na ganun ang naiisip ko na— imbis na napapabuti ako at nag grow– parang paurong ata— nag sisimula na magtanim nang hurt—-

so that was when i decided– GOD BAHALA KA NA PO SA KANYA… bless her so she’ll bless others. Give me patience and mahabang understanding. hehehe

sana tulungan mo po siya sa mga desisyon niya, huwag niyo po siya pababayaan…

amen

tulog na ako

hehehe

ok this is totally a GP blog- no [bleep...bleep] here!

remember those nights when you would go home from college and just do whatever– surf the net, dvd marathon, take a luxurious shower, spend time in the gym and DRIVE home… i have my laptop with me, and if i feel like it– i would stop by starbucks for my fav. peppermint tea (ok maybe not starbucks but coffee bean..)

anyways, now its a whole different ballgame.

i go home at around 7:30-ish, i take the FX and then the JEEP— no laptop or i’ll risk getting mugged. No more fancy outfits— coz if you dont want to get noticed—its a must to look scary yourself hehehehe (or maybe that is JUST MY perception)… no more cars, nothing to carry my backpack anymore directly affecting tuloy my gym life….

dont take this as complaining–it just makes me appreciate more what i used to have. Now, i feel so frugal that sometimes i literally cry my eyes out– naawa lang ako minsan sa sarili ko (which is hilarious at the same time kaya habang umiyak– tumatawa din ako) wait… weird no?

anyways, its a training for me— all i think of is how my mom and dad went through the same thing when they were young— commuting, working, pinch penny-ing (if there is such a word)… the only difference then and now is that now the percentage of getting mugged is higher—

so anyways… i left work 8:30-ish and got home 10— kamusta naman di ba? sana matagalan ko pa ganito pag commute— i love my work, i love the people, i love my job… but im really geting tired of commuting minsan—its not me… but sacrifice sacrifice sacrifice– kayanin dapat di ba?

….sniff* sniff*…